Late Marriages In Kashmir

In our society we have some imperfections added by a person, a plan or a system that further blemishes our plight. In the inception it may be counted among the minor corruption of the society or an individual, but its perversion does submerge us into the situation so predicament or embarrassing. In Kashmir for the past two to three decades, we are discerning amateurish eventuality where the average age of marriage for male has increased from twenty four to thirty two, and in females from twenty one to twenty eight. It is the matter of grave concern for the level of depression and instability among the youth is proliferating. Be it physical, psychological or emotional, it slumps all these three ingredients of a healthy life.
There is not a single cause that is associated with the delayed marriage of either one or both the sexes. From conflict to extravagance, this loophole is soaring wider days in, days out. In the book written by famous sociologist Mr. Bashir Ahmad Dabla, ‘Social Impact Of Militancy In Kashmir’, 88 percent respondents revealed their opinion that growing conflict situation in Kashmir had contributed to the rise of late marriage in Kashmir. The magnitude of uncertainty looming in the airs of Valley has in many individuals diverted their attention from marriage to other requisites. There is decreased job opportunities, youth languishing in the jails for years together, and exasperation leading to discontent that further adds to the misery. With freakish more time taken for final settlement, as our youth wait for government jobs, this setback adds to the despondency of marrying late. In the year 2009 there was a research directed by Mr. B.A.Dabla that transpired the painful candour report. It read as,” Politically oriented developments in last twenty years of militancy had further changing impact on the traditional pattern of late marriages in Kashmir.”
Regrettably, for us there is one ‘disguise in blessing’ that propels further the muddle of delayed marriages in Kashmir. It does sound queer, but the fact is increase in education creates an atmosphere for ever-spreading expectation for the opposite partner as well to be at least equally competent in education. Parents invent the unique benchmark where if a son or daughter is a doctor, the life partner for their ward too must be a doctor. And, similar barometer is applicable for other professionals also, thus creating the pressure intolerable generated out of this paradigm. Then we have another class of humans who reject healthy marriage proposals for their children because the opposite party either has only single storey house to dwell in or cramped lawn in their courtyard. One of my very close relatives was literally hesitant tying the knot to a very pious girl, one ludicrous reason. He stated,” Tomorrow when I will take my rich relatives and friends to their place, won’t I be embarrassed when they shall notice my daughter in law’s house very small and confined lawn outside? It would look obsolete.” Only I know actually how obsolete that criteria was sounding. Alas!
Let’s comprehend our praxis(Rasam aur Rivaaj) now. These perilous innovations are taking a toll on our youth, especially the unmarried females and their families. Unmarried in thirties, it’s because of our unneeded transformation, rather transmogrification to such a level that our adroitness for material wealth and ostentatious attitude has led to delayed marriages in our society. The prevalence of dowry system, obtrusive marriage functions and display of gifts in the configuration of gold,diamonds,electronic gadgets,expensive dresses and other flamboyant possessions are digging the grave lower middle class and poor families. In 2010, the research was conducted by the Department of Sociology in University of Kashmir. It divulged that fifty five percent of the total population of Kashmir never actually gets married even after attaining the standard marriageable age. This lack of restraint in spending money and resources has transformed our weddings into some business ventures. And, at the end of the day, it is the bride’s family that has to bear the brunt of these never ending customs.
We should know that these late marriages biologically have negative impact on both male and female for late marriage means late pregnancy. Few years ago there was a cardinal research conducted by the Department of Immunology And Molecular Medicine,SKIMS by Dr Farhat R. Shawl. The research was based on the ‘Detection of the chromosomal abnormalities in an ethnic population of Kashmir Valley’. Research showed that genetic abnormalities in new born babies was   directly proportional to increased maternal age. Females who gave birth to their babies after 35 years of age had 75% chances of giving birth to genetically imperfect babies,especially Down’s syndrome.
Women should have a baby before the age of 35 or ‘risk missing out on motherhood’. The health risks of late marriages means late pregnancy include complications for both mother and infant,greater difficulty in conceiving a child,high risk of general maternal health problems like high blood pressure,high risk of miscarriages,increased risk of children having congenital abnormalities,preeclampsia,and prolonged labour while pregnancy. In case of men,late marriages do have their own risks and impediments. From sinful perversions like masturbation to ending up with having sex out of wedlock,the stigma dodges the whole family toward unstoppable psychological impacts. Further,the studies show older fathers appear to raise the risk of genetic disorders in offspring and male infertility.
The facts of a situation is that by delaying marriages we are doing justice neither to ourselves nor our sons and daughters, be it morally,ethically,religiously,or scientifically. Marriage actually means the alliance not only of two different people dwelling under one roof,but two souls breathing peace and harmony under one common umbrella of adoration and endearment. Last but not the least, I would like to thank ‘Humsafar Marriage Counselling Cell’ that’s doing the exemplary job reforming social diseases,eradicating extravagance and dowry system plus unwieldy customs from our society. Being the salient part of our family or confraternity,it’s our moral obligation to wrench the roots of these iniquitous praxis that solidifies the pedestal of delayed marriages.
(The Author of the column is a doctor by profession and can be mailed at qhchangal@gmail.com)