From Sacred Vows to Social Media Show: The Unsustainable Spectacle of the Modern Kashmiri Wedding

How Cultural Pride is Being Drowned Out by the Deafening Roar of Performative Opulence

By: Javid Amin | 24 Aug 2025

In the heart of the Kashmir Valley, where the serene waters of the Dal Lake reflect the majestic Himalayas, a different kind of reflection is taking place—one of glitter, glamour, and escalating social anxiety. The Kashmiri wedding, once a poignant tapestry woven with threads of faith, family, and simple culinary abundance, is undergoing a seismic transformation. It has been hijacked by a new, relentless producer: the pressure to perform.

This is no longer just a union of two souls sanctioned by the divine; it has become “Kashmiri Wedding Extravagance” in its most literal sense—a high-budget, Bollywood-inspired theatre production where the guest list is the audience, and social media is the critic. But behind the dazzling drone shots, the designer lehengas, and the impossibly lavish spreads of Wazwan, lies a stark reality of crippling debt, profound waste, and a silent epidemic of emotional emptiness.

This article delves deep into the anatomy of this modern-day phenomenon. We will explore the staggering financial costs, the erosion of tradition, the psychological toll on families, and the troubling question of whether these marriages, built on a foundation of spectacle rather than substance, can truly last. Most importantly, we will turn to the eternal wisdom of Islam—the faith that guides the majority in the region—to seek a path back to simplicity, meaning, and genuine spiritual connection.

The Grand Transformation – From Samplicity to Spectacle

The Way It Was: A Tapestry of Tradition and Togetherness

To understand the present, we must first honor the past. Traditionally, a Kashmiri wedding (Leyish) was a multi-day affair steeped in ritual and community, not consumption. The focus was unequivocally on the spiritual and social covenant between the couple and their families.

Events were intimate, often held at home or in local community halls. The bride’s attire, while beautiful, was typically a hand-embroidered Pheran or a simple saree, often a family heirloom. The groom’s procession, the Baraat, was a joyful walk accompanied by musicians, not a convoy of luxury cars. Photography was a few cherished albums, not a multi-camera cinematic venture.

The centerpiece was always the Wazwan—a culinary tradition so profound it is classified as a geo-cultural heritage. Prepared by a master chef, the Vasta Waza, and his team, it was a symphony of flavor, not a contest of quantity. It was served on a traditional Trammi (large copper platter) shared by four people, fostering a sense of community and kinship. The meal, featuring iconic dishes like Rista, Rogan Josh, Gushtaba, and Tabak Maaz, was a generous, heartfelt offering of hospitality, not an Instagrammable prop.

The Modern Metamorphosis: The Bollywood-ification of Leyish

Sometime in the last two decades, the script began to change. The influx of satellite television, social media, and a growing affluent class created a new benchmark for “success.” The Kashmiri wedding began to shed its skin, adopting a new, glamorous one influenced by pan-Indian and global trends.

The New “Must-Haves” of a Kashmiri Wedding:

• Designer Outfits: The heirloom Pheran has been replaced by designer lehengas from Sabyasachi or Manish Malhotra, costing anywhere from ₹2 to ₹10 lakhs. Grooms now sport tailored sherwanis from major Indian brands.

• Destination Pre-Wedding Shoots: Couples now routinely travel to locales like Gulmarg, Pahalgam, or even international destinations like Dubai or Bali for professional pre-wedding photoshoots, a concept unheard of a generation ago.

• Themed Decor and Imported Florals: Wedding venues are transformed into fantasy lands. It’s no longer just marigolds and roses; florists are now importing orchids, lilies, and hydrangeas from other states, significantly inflating costs. A single decorator’s bill can easily surpass ₹5-10 lakhs.

• Professional Videography & Drone Shoots: The humble photographer is now a full-fledged production team. Multiple 4K cameras, drone aerial shots, and elaborate same-day edit (SDE) videos are the standard expectation, costing upwards of ₹3-5 lakhs.

• The Expanded Wazwan: While the Wazwan was always grand, the number of dishes has inflated. From a traditional 15-20 dish spread, some families now feel pressured to serve 30-40 items, including non-traditional fusion dishes to showcase “sophistication.”

The Crushing Cost of Keeping Up – A Society on Credit

The Staggering Price Tag of a Single Day

Let’s talk numbers. While costs vary wildly, the average upper-middle-class Kashmiri wedding in Srinagar today is a multi-crore affair.

A Estimated Breakdown of a “Standard” Elite Kashmiri Wedding (2024):

Source: Estimates based on consultations with local wedding planners, caterers, and decorators in Srinagar.

These figures are astronomical in a region where, according to the Government of India’s Periodic Labour Force Survey (PLFS) 2022-23, the average monthly income per capita is a fraction of these costs. The disconnect is profound.

The Human Toll: Debt, Despair, and Mental Health

The financial burden falls disproportionately on the bride’s family, a cultural norm that persists despite modern values. To meet these inflated expectations, families are making heartbreaking choices:

• Liquidating Lifelong Savings: Retirement funds, children’s education funds—everything is fair game to “save face.”

• Selling Ancestral Land: This is perhaps the most tragic consequence. Families are selling pieces of their heritage, their literal roots, to fund a one-day event.

• Taking High-Interest Loans: Many turn to informal lending networks or banks, plunging themselves into debt that can take decades to repay, casting a long shadow over the newlywed’s future.

The mental health impact is severe and under-discussed. A 2023 study published in the Journal of Family Medicine and Primary Care on “Wedding Stress and Mental Health in India” found a direct correlation between wedding-related financial pressure and increased anxiety, depression, and family conflict. Young people, especially women, feel immense pressure to conform, trapped between personal desire and paralyzing social obligation.

The Environmental and Ethical Sin: The Waste of it All

The extravagance creates a grotesque paradox. While the Wazwan is a celebration of abundance, its modern interpretation leads to shocking food wastage. It’s common to see Tramis half-eaten, with delicacies like Gushtaba and Rista discarded. In a world where hunger persists, this waste is ethically indefensible.

Furthermore, the environmental cost of imported flowers, plastic decor, and the carbon footprint of extensive travel for a single event contributes to a larger global problem, standing in stark contrast to Islam’s teachings of stewardship over the Earth.

The Quran reminds us of our responsibility: “And do not commit abuse on the earth, spreading corruption.” (Quran 2:60) and “Eat and drink from the provision of Allah, and do not commit abuse on the earth, spreading corruption.” (Quran 2:60). The wanton wastefulness of modern weddings is a form of this “abuse.”

Do These Lavish Dramas Last? The Cracks in the Foundation

The Quiet Rise of Divorce and Marital Discord

If the enormous investment guaranteed lifelong happiness, one might argue it was worth it. Tragically, the opposite seems to be true. Anecdotal evidence from family court lawyers and counselors in Kashmir points to a slow but steady rise in divorce rates, particularly among urban, affluent couples who had lavish weddings.

Why? The focus on the wedding completely overshadows the marriage.

• The Compatibility Vacuum: In the whirlwind of selecting caterers and designers, couples often forget to discuss core life values: finances, careers, children, living arrangements, and religious practice.

• The Debt Hangover: Starting a marriage saddled with debt is a recipe for stress. Financial arguments are a leading cause of divorce worldwide.

• Unrealistic Expectations: A wedding that feels like a fairy tale sets an unrealistic benchmark for daily life. When the glamour fades and the reality of mundane married life sets in, it can lead to profound disappointment and a feeling that the relationship is lacking.

• The “Display” Culture: When a bride is treated as the central “display piece” of a social event, it can create a dynamic where her value is seen as aesthetic rather than intrinsic. After the wedding, this can translate into emotional neglect, where her voice and needs are no longer prioritized.

The Islamic View on Marriage: A Solace and a Solution

The current crisis of matrimony in Kashmir is a crisis of forgetting first principles. Islam, the religion that provides the spiritual framework for most Kashmiris, offers a radically different, beautifully simple blueprint for marriage.

1. Marriage is a Sacred Covenant (Mithaqun Ghalithun)
The Quran elevates marriage beyond a social contract to a solemn, sacred covenant.

“And how could you take it while you have gone in unto each other and they have taken from you a solemn covenant?” (Quran 4:21)

This verse emphasizes the gravity and sanctity of the marital bond. It is not a transaction or a party to be planned, but a lifelong commitment undertaken with God-consciousness.

2. The Prophetic Example: Simplicity and Blessing
The wedding of the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) to his first wife, Khadijah (RA), was a model of profound simplicity. There was no extravagance, no show, no debt. It was a gathering of family and friends, focused on the blessing of the union. The most famous Hadith on weddings states:

“The most blessed wedding is the one with the least expense.” (Sahih al-Bukhari)

The Prophet (PBUH) also warned against the burdensome display of wealth, especially for the bride’s family, a practice known as Israf (extravagance) and Kibr (pride).

3. The Core Pillars: Love, Mercy, and Peace
The Quran does not describe marriage in terms of glamour or opulence. It uses the most profound and beautiful metaphors:

“And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquillity in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought.” (Quran 30:21)

The goals are Sakinah (tranquillity), Mawaddah (love and affection), and Rahmah (mercy). These are spiritual and emotional states, not material ones. A wedding ceremony should facilitate these goals, not hinder them with stress and debt.

4. The Prohibition of Extravagance and Burden
Islam strictly prohibits burdening oneself financially, especially for show.

“But waste not by excess: for Allah loveth not the wasters.” (Quran 6:141)
“And those who, when they spend, are not extravagant and not niggardly, but hold a just (balance) between those (extremes).” (Quran 25:67)

The modern wedding, with its exorbitant costs and waste, falls directly into the category of Israf (extravagant waste), which is strongly condemned.

Reclaiming the Sacred: A Way Forward for Kashmir

The solution is not to abandon tradition, but to rediscover its true essence. It requires a collective, community-led effort to redefine what a “successful” wedding looks like.

1. Individual Courage: Dare to be Different.
Couples and their families must find the courage to break the cycle. This means:

• Setting a Budget First: Decide what you can truly afford without debt and plan backwards from there.

• Prioritizing Meaning over Show: Allocate funds to what truly matters. Perhaps invest in a meaningful pre-marital counseling course instead of an extra videoographer.

• Celebrating Authenticity: Choose a beautiful, culturally significant Kashmiri outfit over a generic designer lehenga. Embrace local flowers and decor.

2. Community Leadership: A Collective Voice.
Change needs amplifiers.

• Religious Scholars (Ulema): Imams and scholars have a powerful platform. They must consistently use sermons and writings to preach against Israf in weddings and remind communities of the Prophetic example.

• Civil Society and Media: Local magazines and influencers can champion couples who choose simple weddings, making them aspirational. They can run campaigns on the perils of wedding debt.

• Wedding Industry Itself: Ethical planners, caterers, and decorators can offer affordable, “blessing-focused” packages that promote simplicity and sustainability.

3. Reimagining the Wazwan: Quality over Quantity.
Return the Wazwan to its former glory by focusing on the perfect execution of the core dishes rather than an endless parade of new ones. Encourage a culture of taking leftovers home or, better yet, partnering with organizations to distribute untouched food to the needy—a truly Islamic act of charity (Sadaqah).

4. Focus on the After, Not the During.
The best investment a family can make is not in a party, but in the couple’s future. The money saved from a simpler wedding can be gifted to the couple as a down payment for a home, a seed fund for a business, or for their further education. This practical step builds a foundation of Sakinah (tranquillity) instead of a mountain of stress.

Bottom-Line: A Return to Tranquillity

The soul of Kashmir has always been its resilience, its deep faith, and its rich culture. The modern, performative wedding spectacle is a foreign graft, not an organic growth. It is slowly strangling the very values it purports to celebrate.

The path forward is a return—a return to the simplicity blessed by the Prophet (PBUH), a return to the community-focused feasts of the past, and a return to the ultimate purpose of marriage itself: to find peace, love, and mercy in a partner.

It is time to silence the noise of social media and listen instead to the divine wisdom that has guided generations. It is time to remember that the most beautiful wedding is not the most expensive one, but the one that begins a marriage filled with Sakinah, Mawaddah, and Rahmah—a marriage that is not just built to last, but built to thrive.

Let the measure of a wedding be the peace in the couple’s hearts, not the applause of the crowd. Let us invest not in spectacle, but in love. Let us build our marriages on a foundation of faith, not debt. For in the end, as the Quran so beautifully assures us, the truest success is found not in what we spend, but in the consciousness with which we live.

“Indeed, the most noble of you in the sight of Allah is the most righteous of you.” (Quran 49:13)