Grim Future of Marriage as Institution
By: Javid Amin & Rameez Makhdoom
World is becoming a complex place to live so is the valley of Kashmir. Marriage and other important things in life have become formalities but with looming dangers. As a result of these changes people are beginning to loose faith on the institution of Marriage once viewed very sacred. Our marriages are just social obligations loaded with formalities and customs
Most of Kashmiri parents don’t want to get there daughters married, but in order to keep connect with the society, they are forced to arrange a lavishing marriage loaded with formalities & customs. Although in heart of hearts they still want their daughters should spend their quality time with their parents, rather with her new family.
So as the marriage function is over, the list of customs start to emerge forcing the bride to be stationed at this paternal house and the groom automatically becomes a GHAR JAMAI. For first couple of years, new bride usually spends a few months with his inlaws.
Immediately post marriage our daughters become the highest decision makers in the family, whom to talk to, what to eat, what to wear and what not.
Daughter in law and mother in law relationship is often marred by tensions and strife. The often quarrels between Husband and wife post Marriage once the days of functions and formalities are over has become a very ugly norm. Marriages are collapsing like anything and domestic violence and divorce like things have become a new norm in the society. The Marriage functions loaded with futile wastage of resources compounded by show off leaves an ugly foundation for the society and other painful events follow on. There is lot of show off in our relationship and people put a much value on same as a result our society is on brink of destruction.
Be it father in law or mother in law and also daughter in law on our society they almost never develop that amity and bonding which is always cause of skirmishes in family . Baring rare exceptions the family structure here is witnessing much damaging situations.
The mental stress of married man in this scenario in Kashmir reaches to sky heights as he is sandwiched between the love of wife and mother, between choosing the choices of father in law and orders of father and keeping intact the relationship between brothers and sisters .
On the other hand, there are also cases wherein women state that they feel suffocated in their inlaws home marred by dictation of inlaws and sometimes an abusive husband. As a result suicide deaths and murders too in those cases are happening .
The need of the hour is to strike a balance. We need to create happy homes and for that rather than going for huge wastage on marriages we need to imbibe the values in our children. We need to teach them sanctity of Marriage as an institution and above all what to do and not to do post Marriages. Daughter should be advised to have complete love and ownership towards home of inlaws and not to treat them as enemy country, and similarly the to be father in laws and mother in laws should be imbibed with a value system to own their daughter in laws and give them full love and respect.
We also need to bear in mind that every generation marches to the beat of its own drummer, and perhaps it’s time to either review the institution of marriage or revise the court systems so that it allows couples to divorce without dragging them decades of court dates and expensive lawyers.
There is a false argument floating in the town that Indian marriages have very low divorce rates and hence marriage as a institution in Kashmir is a success. This argument is fake. The divorce rates are very less because divorce is the last option couples seen in Kashmir. The divorced people have a bad image in society. Trust me, I have seen a lot of couples unhappy with each other but still continuing the marriage.
If we don’t understand real meaning of Marriage as an institution and the values that every relationship holds the Marriage as an institution are bound to collapse .
